Reflecting On My Journey

While I was driving to work this morning, I was listening to Oprah Radio and just doing some self – reflection about my health, wellness and fitness journey. My thoughts were triggered last night while reading the book about the P.I.N.K Method. The book also serves as a journal in which you write your starting measurements, goals etc. While writing my goals, I realized a number of things that I am doing to hinder my health and fitness journey. Some of the things I am going to mention in this post may be a repeat of a earlier post so I apologize in advance.

1. I am an emotional eater.

2. I  snack out of boredom

3. I sometimes skip breakfast

4. I eat certain things out of weakness (giving in to what my daughter and man want to eat for dinner)

5. I lay in bed most of the weekend in the dark either sleeping or watching TV

6. I spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself

7. I am allowing my depression to run my life instead of continuously seeking treatment (this is my biggest obstacle).

8. I have not made any short or long-term weight loss goals

My biggest obstacle is depression and I have decided that its time to contact my insurance and seek treatment. I was under treatment before at the Veteran’s Affairs but I stopped going since the main focus was medicating me and not allowing me to face my issues and learn new ways to overcome those issues.

I have also realized that I do not need to have everyone in my house on the same page with me. I find that I want EVERYONE in my house to change their lifestyle because I am trying to change mine. I am unsuccessful with my change because I am not focused on just me. It is okay to be selfish so that I can reduce my risk of heard disease, diabetes, high cholesterol etc. I have to make a change for ME and not anyone else.

I initially planned to start the  P.I.N.K. Method on March 19th but since I have not finished reading through the book I have decided to start on April 1st. The first 90 days of 2012 did not go they way I intended on this journey (only a 3 lb weight loss so far), so let’s see how the 2nd 90 days of this year will go. I have some upcoming events to get jazzy for as well as being healthy overall such as my daughters graduation and my birthday. I will discuss my short-term and long-term weight loss goals in a future post. :-)

I feel like I am fighting a losing battle….

I know that it took me several years to gain the 40 pounds that I want to lose but it seems like I am fighting a losing battle. I go up and down with my weight loss journey and give up when I feel this way. A few years ago, I would have lost the weight much faster. All I had to do was power walk, or run and in a matter of weeks my weight was falling off. What is the issue now? Well, I cannot do those things now. I have osteoarthritis in BOTH knees and it angers me. Why? Well because it’s partly my fault. I over did things, I gained weight, I got really lazy and this is the result. Now I am in pain and I feel like I am an old woman.

I have the option to get knee injections and physical therapy but I am still on the fence with that. My reason, well….the pain will only go away for about 6 months. What is the use in that? Will that buy me time to lose the weight? Who knows but I am not going to give up. I started my health and fitness journey on January 16th and as of January 29 I am down two pounds. I measured myself today and I have lost up to 1.5 inches in certain areas of my body. I keep telling myself that if I continue to work at it without hurting myself the weight will be off of me by the end of the year. Have I had moments where I wanted to try a “lose weight fast” gimmick? Yes…I was talking to a friend of mine today about the NV weight-loss system. Then I decided that I do not need to take an appetite suppressant especially since my eating was not a big issue, it was the lack of exercise.

I did not want to set myself up by saying I wanted to lose 40 pounds by a certain date. I do realize that slow and steady wins the race and that I have to go through a bit of pain to gain the end results of being 40 pounds lighter.